This Is Hard

Before I was married with kids, I was told on a handful of occasions that being a Mom was hard.  I never doubted it, even though I didn't have any first-hand experience at the time.  Looking back on it all now I can say:  Wowsers.....I.had.NO.idea!!

Motherhood IS hard.  VERY hard.  This morning was ugly.  I should have known it would be when I was praying for patience last night.  And more specifically praying that we would "all get along" and "be happy with each other".  Little did I know that a short 6 hours later I'd be woken up by the one that seems to try my patience the most these days.  However, I did my best to start out with a positive attitude even though I was tired.  I explained to her that it wasn't quite morning time and we'd have to go back to bed for a few more minutes.  (Our rule is anything before 6:30 am is still night time).  I graciously gave her my bed and went and laid down in hers.  Then at 6:30 it went ugly.  It starts out progressively so with minor situations here and there and then it seems to build more and more until we are both having meltdowns.  It was a school morning (those are usually the bad ones) and it was a battle to help her get ready for school before she could have her beloved morning milk and cartoon.  It's all a blur now as I look back on it (2 hours later) and I know full well I could have had better reactions although I did try hard to be consistent and patient.  According to Love & Logic, (a parenting process John and I both love) sympathy is a critical component in moments like these.  However, it always seems to be the FIRST trait that flees me.  It's SO hard to have sympathy when the same battles are had every hour of the day....every day.  Needless to say, this morning ended up with me in tears and ready to throw in the towel.  There are a LOT of things I could be better at or let go of or try to understand better but this morning I just wanted it to be what it was.  HARD.  How will I ever survive a teenager when the three year old version is about to take me to my grave some days?

Being a Mom is hard work.  How come the ones we sacrifice SO much for every single minute of the day, are the ones that can treat us the worst?  It makes me have so much more sympathy for my mother and mother-in-law.  I can't imagine the grief or the tears they shed when raising their own kids.  My Mom always says that one day I'll reap my rewards like she is reaping hers now.  We are all grown and are so much more grateful for her than we've ever been in our life.  I'm just not sure I can wait another 20 years before I am appreciated.

Luckily I have an awesome husband that does his best to fill in where the children can't, or don't yet, when it comes to being grateful and appreciative of my sacrifices.  He so kindly let me have "my moment" this morning and showed his appreciation instead of trying to offer advice or suggestions or frustration of how it could be fixed.  In that moment, I most assuredly did NOT want to be fixed.  I'm so thankful he can sense that and let me come full circle in my own process of grieving, calming down, and correcting my own behaviors.  

Now that I sit here and type (while drinking my medicinal Dr. Pepper), I can approach things with a more rational mind.  Granted, it also helps that the main culprit is finally enjoying her time at pre-school.....as am I.  I've thought about it all and will continue to try some different approaches.  I keep reminding myself that she is our first child.  She's never been a three year old before, we've never parented a three year old before.  We are all learning along the way.  I hope and pray that I can remember what works so we don't have to cycle through this trial & error process with the next child.

Just to let it be known, I do have the good days and moments as well.  Through it all, we have VERY good kids.  They want to do what is right and they try to be good.  I'm grateful for their sweet little personalities even though they can sometimes be hard and difficult.    I do find joy in the journey more now than I have in the past.  I do have the moments where I sit in awe that I'm their mother!  How lucky am I?  I am grateful that I get to spend my days raising them at home and also grateful that we can take it day by day as we all try to be better than we were the day before.  I'm also grateful for their forgiving hearts and their ability to quickly and easily forget about the times where I fall short.  Basically, I just feel I need to post about the reality of the situation so my blog readers don't think I'm skipping through a field of daisies on a daily basis.  Being a Mom can be hard.  It can be a lot of other things too including the best job ever.  Now I understand why Heavenly Father feels like my role of motherhood is so important to achieving salvation and learning to be more like Him.  If motherhood is ever mastered in this lifetime, I'm convinced the mother should most assuredly be exalted immediately.  Perfection would have been obtained.  Until then, I'll keep trying and taking it day to day.

And as a sidenote: Thanks to my hubby I've come full circle and now ended the moment in tears as well.  Tears of a different kind as he sends words of encouragement and a song that he heard on the radio on his way to work.  Kenny Chesney's: Thank God For Kids.  And thank you God for understanding and patient husbands too.