Lest I Forget

I feel the need to let blog-land know that I'm still alive....still kicking....and so is this baby - STILL from the inside of the belly though. Technically, I'm still 1 week from my actual due date but it doesn't help that all the pregnant people I know (which is a lot) are having their babies. TWO of them weren't even due until after me! Yeah, I know....life isn't fair. Apparently my body likes my babies to be well-done so I should at least come to terms with it right? We'll see.

So, I've had a little time on my hands to reflect (yes, even while crazily nesting away for the past two weeks surprisingly) and there are lots of things I want to not forget when/if the day comes for this little guy to make his entry into this big world. Which, yes, I prefer my babies on the outside as opposed to the inside. Read on and you'll see why...

Bathroom Breaks: Really, I can't wait to not go through a bajillion rolls of toilet paper in a 24 hour day. I miss the luxury of not having to go every 5 minutes and only two drips at a time. I envy those who have regular bladders. Poor Addison doesn't quite understand why Mommy asks her if she needs to use the potty every 5 minutes. I guess I just assume since I do that everyone must right? How easy it is to forget how often a normal bladder functions. I can't wait to remember a few weeks from now. Addison has started to become annoyed with my frequent inquiries....so much so that now when I ask if she needs to use the potty she shouts at me in a stern voice "No!" Which introduces our next life lesson of politeness vs. rudeness. She's learning quickly to say "No tanks" and even "Tanks" w/everything - it's cute really.

Following The Rules: (um yeah, this one isn't so much pregnancy related) I have found proof again that Addison is indeed my child. While part of me always loves those discoveries - this one worries me at times. She is 100% a rule follower....as was I (and still am). Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it 95% of the time. I never have to fear her defying me or anything I say for that matter. I say it - she obeys it...nice right? Except, I'm afraid it makes her too timid at times. Case in point: She asks me before she does a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. "Mommy, can I walk on the rocks?" "Mommy, can I pick up my toy?" "Mommy, can I read this book?" I promise she does this all on her own - I don't beat my child. It's cute at first but I worry that she won't gain the confidence she needs to just jump in and do it because she wants to and not wait for permission. Growing up I always worried about upsetting others.....too much in my opinion. And I see how sensitive she is and how even the smallest moments where we get on to her - she gets really sad and cries. Hopefully, she and I can work through this together through the years and learn to bust out of the mold just a bit. Maybe we can consult Daddy for advice - he definitely wasn't a rule follower growing up - just ask the policemen he sassed and the mother he disobeyed and the house he frequently snuck out of. He was ALL boy and then some.

Heartburn: Addison was born with a TON of hair. So much so that it curled down the back of her chubby little neck. We could have probably put it in a ponytail when we took her home from the hospital. For this reason, I am a believer in the theory that pregnancy heartburn = babies with LOTS of hair. And, again I'm banking on this one to have a shaggy mane of his own. I'm guessing those genetics come from John. So pretty much since day one of this pregnancy I've dealt with some horrendous heartburn. In the beginning I tried to medicate myself but it just proved fruitless. Now I just deal with it. And one way I do that is to belch like a trucker. It's not a pretty sight - but neither are 90% of the side effects that pregnancy provides. Thankfully I do most of my belching in the privacy of my own home. Addison thinks it's hilarious and shocking at the same time. I just can't wait until I can pass gas the normal way like everyone else.

Insomnia: If you check the time stamp of this post you'll realize I'm currently battling a bout of insomnia - yet again. I don't remember having this symptom w/Addison but it is NOT fun to be wide awake when the rest of the house is sawing logs. The first few times it happened to me I got so frustrated with it all that I burst into tears. And lets just say that reaction didn't necessarily drive me to sleepy land either. There isn't much worse out there than laying awake and trying to will yourself to sleep. I realize this is a typical occurrence in the last few weeks of pregnancy but unfortunately I got the added privilege of enjoying it in the early months as well. By the time my body is ready to rest, the baby will be on the outside of me and wide awake. So nice that we get to take turns at this eh?

Hip Pain: Moving around freely and without pain - sigh...those were the good ole days. Anytime I sit in a position for more than 5 minutes my body will tighten up and take a good 10 minutes to get moving again. Hobbling around and wincing in pain is getting old at this point of the game. There have even been a few times where I was a fool and actually sat my pregnant self on the floor. Needless to say, Addison got a bit worried when she saw me unable to get up. I got pretty worried myself to be frank with ya. Even tonight, as we packed Addison's "Grandpa/Grandma Visit-Bag" I absentmindedly plopped myself right on the ground. Funny how those memories come flooding back when it's time to try and get up again. And why do I do this on the few times when John isn't even home to help me? Have you ever seen a two year old try her hardest to pull on Mommy's finger with a worried look on her face?

Hormones: I'm a bawler (yeah that's with a "wl" not an "ll"). More so when I'm pregnant but yes I tend to here and there even when I'm un-pregnant. Sweet Addison will look at my tears and come love and hug on me and say "Mommy.....sad." What do I say to her when 90% of the time I don't even know what is causing the tears? Poor John doesn't get much response either when he's asking what is wrong. However, he has learned quickly this time around to give me different/better responses. "It's okay" "You can just cry - you don't have to figure it out" "Just soak in a bath and relax" etc. etc. Even as a girl, it can be so confusing to have tears and emotions come from absolutely nothing. I'm the one pouring the flood gates and I usually can't figure out what is going on. So strange.

Elephant-itis: Yep, I have it again. I didn't think I'd swell with this one....but I did. Granted both times my swelling only occurs in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy so I'll take it. But it does look mighty nasty - not to mention it doesn't feel good. It does help me pull in sympathy votes w/John though. Whenever I'm needing some attention, I'll just plop my fat nasty feet in his vicinity and point it out to him. He feels for me and sometimes even rubs them! :D It's not attractive when you can take off your shoe and still see the imprint of where it once was.

Cranky-itis: Yeah, I have this symptom too. Poor Addison deals with the brunt of it since she's at home w/me all day. I thought most of it was due to the insanely hot temperatures and me being insanely pregnant. But, now that the temps have cooled down, I still have it. At this point, I'm not so much as trying to fix it as I'm allowing myself permission to endure the next couple of weeks with it. I do keep promising Addison that the "Fun Mommy" will be back soon. This crazy lady that gripes at any/everything is only temporary. Addison deals with it well and I hope she really knows that the Mommy that will play on the ground with her and give her endless amounts of cuddles and attention and free time....is right around the corner.

Braxton Hicks: These seem to be the ONLY contractions my body has ever decided to have on it's very own. And frankly, this time around they are a lot more frequent than when I was pregnant w/Addison. Every time I google the symptoms everyone says they are painless. Whuh? Pain-LESS? Feeling like a two-ton sumo wrestler is sitting on your chest is not my idea of painless. Every muscle in your body tightening and your belly getting rock hard - isn't exactly painless. And lets add the latest symptom of throbbing pain in my muscles all the way up the back of my neck and head - that's definitely not painless. Apparently they affect everything in my body except actual dilation. Which could still be why I'm still sitting at a 1.5 currently.

Personal Space: I don't have it anymore and haven't had it for a long time. I have a constant bowling ball sitting on top of me. And I was even a big fan of personal space even before pregnancy. So, needless to say, I'm not the nicest when anyone outside of my stomach infringes upon my space. Addison doesn't really understand why exactly she can't come hang on me anytime she pleases. And I can't find the nice words to say that "I love you but don't touch me" (remember she's pretty sensitive). It's gotten so bad now that John knows when I give the look to help clear the area around me asap. He's turning into such a good mind-reader lately.

So, in summary, those are the current thoughts/pains of my mind. It sounds like I'm not grateful for this little life inside me and honestly I am. Especially when I know of good friends that struggle with infertility and/or loss. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. It does make me grateful at times to enjoy the blessings of the pain. But, again, if I could have my way, I'd rather deal with the sleepless nights and have the baby in my arms than in my belly once it's done cooking. Here's to hoping that happens sometime next week. :D